For my Dad on Father's Day

Every year since my dad died, I've tried to convince myself that Father's Day is so much 'easier' this way. I don't have to buy a card or figure out what to buy for the man that had everything. And every year, the convincing doesn't work. Because the truth is, I would love to be looking through cards to tell my dad how much he means to me. I would LOVE to try to find that perfect gift for him. I know that even if it was just some dumb trinket that would sit on his shelf for a year, he'd tell me he loved it. That's just the kind of dad he was. the BEST kind.

I remember the day I found out my dad's terminal diagnosis. I was in my office in St. Cloud working. My mom text me and said to call her when I had a minute. I knew she and my dad were at the Mayo Clinic so I figured she'd have a quick update for me. Well, little did I know that the 'quick update' would forever change my life. As I left work I called her and she gave me the news. "Dad's liver is failing and there's nothing they can do.." All I can remember saying is, "so he's going to die?" This man that I've known for my entire life..that has loved me unconditionally..through the most terrible things I've ever done..he's going to be taken away from us? This couldn't be right. There had to be something. A liver transplant, a treatment, anything to stop this. No. It was too far at this point.. he wouldn't likely survive a transplant. At this point - he was ready to be done. With the pills, with the poking, with treatments. He was done. And he deserved to be done. He had been fighting his fight for a long time. He fought for US, for his family. 

For the next month, we all spent as much time at home with him as we could. Trying to make him comfortable and telling him how much we love him and we'll miss him. I am truly thankful for that time with him because I know that SO many people never get that. Their loved ones are taken quickly in car accidents or fires or however it might happen. That last month was the best and the worst all wrapped into one. It was SO hard to see him slowly go downhill to his death. But to be able to talk to him (while he could) and just spend time with him was the greatest gift God could give after the terminal diagnosis he was given. 

I was VERY accepting of his death right after he died. I try to be positive in most aspects of my life. I really tried to be grateful for the 23 years I had with him and I told myself that a lot of children don't even get ONE year with their dad. Even on my wedding day (almost exactly a year after his death), I was happy knowing he was at least watching down on me. My mom walked me down the aisle, we visited his gravesite, and remembered him with love and honor that day. I was so lucky to know him and to have him raise me. I still feel that way now. But it has gotten harder over the past three years. Christmas is not easier. Father's day is harder. Even some random days of the year I find myself just missing him. I listen to old voicemails or read old texts he sent me just wishing I could talk with him again. I know it will only get harder as I grow older.. I'm due with his and my mom's 5th grandchild and I know he would be SO happy to know that. He LOVED his grandchildren and would spoil them to pieces.. I loved watching him with my nieces and nephew. I didn't really think of it at the time of his death but it makes my heart hurt now, knowing he'll never be with my children. I hope I can teach them all about 'Grandpa Rabi' and the kind of amazing man he was and the legacy he left behind. 

Photo by: Despres Photography

As we all celebrate Father's Day.. whether your father is on earth, in heaven, missing from your life - I pray that it can be a peaceful day no matter what the situation might be. I'm choosing to let myself remember my Dad in all his glory.. but also choosing to celebrate the new father in my life - Randy. I know that he will be a GREAT dad to this little one growing inside me. I can only hope that we can give our children the amazing kind of life that my dad and mom gave me. 

Steven 'Rabi' Mark Peterson; 11/13/1956-6/18/2014

Last, but not least. I love to laugh and my dad could ALWAYS make me laugh. This shirt makes me laugh. This would've been his present this year. 

10 things you may not know about me

You'd think it wouldn't take much time to blog... but it does! The pictures, content, writing, etc. - it's more than I thought. But, because I didn't start this blog for any reason other than I wanted to document some of my life, I figure it's okay to just blog when I feel like it.. for now :) So just for fun, here's 10 (very random) things you likely don't know about me!

1. I don't like vegetables. At all. The only way I'll eat them is if they're mixed with something else. Like lettuce in a salad with croutons and dressing or carrots with peanut butter. You'll never catch me eating a plain piece of broccoli :) 

2. My dad died 3 years ago. At the time I thought I was very at peace with it and I had closure because we knew about a month in advance that he wouldn't survive. But the more time that goes by - the more I miss him. This one probably deserves its own post.. on a different day. 

3. My favorite movie OF ALL TIME is Sweet Home Alabama. I love Reese Witherspoon, the cute humor, the love.. all of it. I mean who doesn't melt at the line, "Why do you wanna marry me for anyhow? So I can kiss you anytime I want!" #sigh. My husband doesn't like watching it with me because I'll quote the whole movie. (Second runner-up is How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days)

4. I'm slowly becoming more type A the older I get. It never used to bother me if my clothes were laying around or if there were piles of mail/papers stacked up. Now.. oh man that'll drive me nuts. I try to have everything picked up before I go to bed each night. (Lord, help me when I have children).

5. I love to play volleyball. I played in junior high, high school.. played on a club team in college. This past winter I joined a women's league with some lovely ladies and we're joining a summer league in June! I'm so excited. I hope I can continue to play in leagues throughout my life.

6. My least favorite sport to watch is baseball. Oh my goshhhhhhh I find it so boring. There's like eighteen minutes between each pitch.. thirty five minutes between innings. It's just too SLOW. I love fast paced sports like basketball, hockey, etc. 

7. Ask me anything about the TV show, Friends and I could likely answer it. I've watched the series probably 5 times. They're just so funny! 

8. My husband and I have a lot of weird stuff in common. Like we're both the babies of the family. Both play volleyball. Both have two older siblings that are quite a bit older than us. Both have type O blood (very rare). Just weird stuff that I think shows we're made for each other.

9. My favorite thing: Lighting a yummy smelling candle, putting on comfy clothes, curling up on the couch with a blanket watching Netflix or reading a good book. I love to be cozy! :) 

10. My mom and all 7 of her brothers and sisters have had some form of skin cancer. Luckily none have been to the depths of melanoma (thank you Lord) but it still scares me. You will never ever ever catch me in a tanning bed OR outside for longer than 10 minutes without sunscreen on. Just won't happen - I'm way too cautious. 

Alrighty that's all for today! Hopefully I'll be back more often. Thanks for stopping by! 

books I've recently enjoyed

I've always loved reading but sometimes I go through streaks of time where I don't read anything at all. Well recently I've gotten through a few good books so I thought I'd share!

So on Saturday morning, I woke up and made Randy breakfast, started the laundry, did the dishes, did some vacuuming - then I was going to sit down to read a little bit before I went to the grocery store. I sat down around 6:30am and started reading and told myself I'd get up to go to the grocery store at 8. Well guess what time I went to the grocery store? Around 1pm. Because I had to finish this book!!! I'm glad I had nothing else to do that day :) It was so good. I've been obsessed with Colleen Hoover ever since I read It Ends With Us (also finished in one sitting) and I don't see the obsession ending any time soon. Ugly Love is the book I read on Saturday and it's basically about a guy and girl that decide to have a 'friends with benefits' relationship but.. we all know how that turns out. P.S. it's probably rated PG-13 or R. Here's a little quote from Amazon: 

"Hearts get infiltrated. 

Promises get broken. 

Rules get shattered.

Love gets ugly."

These next two books I read while I was on vacation in February. First up is another Colleen Hoover book. This one I started on the plane and finished in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep. :) This one was very good, too - I can honestly say that I've never read a book that had certain elements that Maybe Someday had. And you'll just have to read it to find out what I mean! Haha. It's another romantic type of novel but the depth of love that I felt during this book was on another level. 

Last but not least is Everything We Keep by Kerry Lonsdale. This one is a mix between romance and mystery. Basically it starts out with the main character (Aimee) burying her fiance on what was supposed to be their wedding day. Then after the funeral she finds out that there's reason to believe he's not actually dead! Then the whole book takes you through her trying to figure out the true story. Very very good book - and there's a sequel coming out in July, I believe. I'll definitely be reading that! 

 

That's it for today! Have you read these books yet? If you're into reading and you haven't, definitely check them out!

A few of my favorite pins..

I thought it would be fun to share a few of my favorite pins today! This might turn into a repeating post because who doesn't love Pinterest, right? :) Here we go!

This first one.. speaks to me. 

I definitely do this one!! The rain makes me a nervous driver haha. Not as much as snow, though!

Guilty of this as well... #customerserviceisHARDsomedays

Hahahaha I love Ellen!!

My husband probably wouldn't agree with this one.. 

Phil Dunphy... hilarious. 

And if this isn't the absolute truth.. Ha! 

Alright that's it for today! Hope you guys enjoyed my recent favorite pins! 🙂

Makeup Monday: Current Foundation Routine

Today I thought I'd share my current foundation routine. I'm not sure if I'll post 'Makeup Monday' every Monday but... it was a cute blog post name so I went with it. I linked all the products (except one that is no longer available) under the first picture if you're interested in purchasing any of them. :) Let's get to it!

Here's allllll the face products I use - pretty much on a daily basis. For work I'll use these products and then throw on some eyebrows, mascara and lip gloss. But on the weekends when I have more time I'll do more with my eyeshadow, highlighter, eyeliner, etc. 

Smashbox Primer Water ~ Smashbox Pore Minimizing Primer ~ Loreal Makeup Sponge ~ BECCA Corrector ~ Covergirl Clean Matte BB Cream ~ Clinique Powder ~ Tarte Shape Tape Concealer ~ Smashbox 24 Hour Eyeshadow Primer ~ It Cosmetics Poreless Powder ~ BECCA x Jaclyn Hill Face Palette ~ NARS Laguna Bronzer ~ MAC Fix Plus

First I give my face a few sprays of the Smashbox primer water. The one in the picture is just a trial size but I think I might have to buy the full size soon. It just preps the face so nicely - it seems like it smooths everything out and makes my foundation apply flawlessly!

Then I go in with my BECCA corrector - the peach tone cancels out my dark circles and brightens my undereyes, making me look more awake. Almost out of this one, too!

My Covergirl BB Cream is up next - I blogged about this a couple weeks ago in my Friday Favorites and I'm still loving it. It's a nice medium coverage and feels light on the skin; perfect for day-to-day. Shade 540 or 530 are good for me when I'm self-tanned.

Then concealer.. Tarte shape tape is seriously amazing. Coverage is FULL. It goes on a little thick but when you blend it in with a damp sponge it just looks flawless. It's a must have for sure. I use the shade light-medium when I'm self-tanned.

I apply both my BB cream and concealer with a beauty sponge - the one pictured above (the purple blob) is from Loreal. It's rather new but I'm loving it so far! It's under $10 and works just as good as the Beauty Blender if you ask me.

Then I'll use my Smashbox eye primer. I do this even on days when I'm not going to wear a lot of eyeshadow - just because I have really oily lids and my mascara will get everywhere if I don't.

I've mentioned before that I'm very OILY!! So I set my whole face with powder. I use a colored powder (the Clinique) just in my T zone for a little extra coverage. Then I'll go in with the translucent powder from It Cosmetics. I'll lightly dust this all over my face to help my bronzer and blush go on smoothly. I already have a new compact of this powder waiting for me. :)

I have quite a few favorite bronzers but lately I've been using NARS Laguna. It's a beautiful shade and blends easily. Love!

My favorite blush as of recently is the middle blush in this palette. It looks like a dull color in the pan but when I have a little tan - it's the perfect peachy/bronze blush color. Unfortunately this palette isn't available anymore :( I don't know what I'll do when I run out of this blush!! 

And here's what it all looks like on! Do you use any of my current faves? What other products should I be trying out!? Let me know in the comments!! Happy Monday. :) 

Workin' it Wednesday: Marriage

Today's post is all about how we're working on our marriages! Randy and I were married on June 27th, 2015 - so we have about a year and a half of marriage under our belts. At the end of the day, Randy and I know that divorce isn't an option. We made a lifetime commitment when we chose to get married and we know that everything in this world will try to tear us apart. Especially in this era of all things social media; there are many temptations. But we are in it for the long haul, together. That being said, these are the ways Randy and I put some work into our marriage to keep it alive, happy, harmonious and STRONG. 

1. Daily Devotional

We bought THIS love language devotional last year but didn't quite get through it. We re-started it this year and are going strong! It focuses on the love languages (more on that below) and gives real life examples that other couples have gone through. Each day has a scripture verse and a prayer to pray along with the devotional. We'll usually read it right when we wake up or right when we get downstairs for breakfast; it helps us start our day right! It's really great to just take five minutes every day to focus on one specific thing that will strengthen our marriage. 

2. Research on Love Languages

I think before we were even married I started researching the five love languages. It made SO much sense to me that we each have our own love language. The way I like to be loved may not be the same way Randy likes to be loved! That's HUGE! So I forced asked him to take the quiz and I took it as well. His top love language is Words of Affirmation. If he goes out of his way to do something for me (empty the litterbox, unload the dishwasher, make the bed, etc.) and I don't acknowledge it or thank him for doing it, his feelings are hurt! I'm the kind of person that just does things and doesn't expect anything to be said in return so I never thanked him for doing those things. My love language on the other hand is quality time. A car ride, watching a TV show, eating dinner together - anything where it's just the two of us spending time together makes me feel loved, even if it's only 5 or 10 minutes. I also love a thoughtful gift and an act of service, but my top language is quality time. If we go too long without a little quality time, I feel disconnected from him! So you see, without this knowledge, we would just go on living life wondering why Randy didn't feel loved when I didn't re-affirm his gestures or why I didn't feel loved when we didn't spend a little time together! This is a biggy. I highly recommend newly married couples (or any couples!) take the quiz and discuss it with each other.

3. Time Apart/Separate Hobbies

This one is fairly simple, but still a big deal. I'm in a volleyball league and a bible study. Randy is in a hockey league and recently joined the fire department. So while my love language is quality time, I enjoy time apart as well. I think it's important to remember who you are as individuals as well as who you are together. Before I met and married Randy, I had my own life and my own friends and so did he! It's important for us to each maintain our separate hobbies so we are still strong individuals but are even stronger together. 

4. Communication

I think this one is simple. NO ONE can read minds. I can't expect Randy to know that I wanted him to bring me home a donut if I don't tell him to do it and then proceed to get mad when he walks through the door without one.. (I might know that from experience). Ha! Anyway - I learned well before we were married that I need to tell my husband everything. What I need, what I want, what's making me happy, what's making me sad, etc. and he needs to do the same for me! Our goal is to make each other happy and we both know we're more than willing - we only need to tell the other one how to do it. 

5. Church/Time in Prayer

Randy and I go to church every weekend together. Well, unless I'm song-leading. Then I song-lead and he has to sit by himself (poor guy). Anyway - going to church and praying together only brings us closer. God needs to come before either one of us. The saying goes, 'a cord of three strands is not easily broken'. And I completely agree. He brought us together and we need to keep him in the forefront of our minds to keep us together!

So that's all I have for today. We've only been married for just under 2 years but I think we put a lot of effort into our marriage every day to keep it strong. I know it'll only become harder when we bring little babies (God willing) into the mix so we're workin' hard now! Do we absolutely follow these 5 guidelines to a T every single day? Definitely not! That's why we give grace. I give grace to Randy when he forgets to take out the garbage every once in awhile and he gives me grace when I just HAVE to win an argument and be right. That's what marriage is to us - a lot of give and take and GRACE.  😊💗 

Fly to Jesus

My sweet grandmother went to be with Jesus this morning around 2am. Although I'll miss her dearly, I know she's in a better place. Here's my letter to her... 

Dear Grandma P, 

I will ALWAYS miss every part of you, but here's what I'll miss the most.

Your cute little laugh. 

That pretty white hair (that you hated so much). 

The cute little slippers you always wore. 

Your 'special K' bars (which were really rice krispies with chocolate on top). THE BEST.

The way you'd try to keep talking after I said I had to take off. You just loved to chat!

How you called my dad 'Stevie'. :)

Your love for the color blue. 

Teaching me to put sugar on my strawberries. and LOTS of it. 

The way you'd say 'HOLLY' after I made yet another sarcastic, 'smarta**' comment to you!

Talking about the Kardashians with you!!

The special treats you always had in your fridge and pantry.

Your photo books you put together for all of us.

The old VHS tapes you kept around.. Forrest Gump, Mrs. Doubtfire, etc...

The sparkle in your eye when you'd tease me. 

I hope you're enjoying heaven with Grandpa and my Daddy. Say hi to them both. ♡

Love you always. 

I remember showing you this picture from our wedding.. You HATED it (just like you did with every picture of yourself). But you told me I looked like a model. So, so sweet. Although you hated looking at pictures of yourself, this is one I will treasure forever.

This song is really resonating with me. Fly to Jesus, Grandma. ♡